Those Outrageous Christmas Decorations

Christmas decorations are all well and good; who hasn't stapled a few strings of blinky lights to their eaves? But some folks take it too far.

Christmas decorations... oh, the humanity!

Back in the '90's, there was a cynical episode of "Home Improvement" in which Tim Taylor's Christmas lights were so bright, they pierced a blizzard well enough to help circling airplanes land at the nearby airport.

They played it for laughs, of course, and it was funny, a perfect example of Tim's "More Power!" shtick. But let me tell ya, folks, it's getting to where life's really starting to imitate art... assuming you consider TV art.

Santa Roasting on an Open Fire

You know, I'm all for a tasteful holly wreath on the front door, some window decals of Santa and his eight tiny reindeer, and maybe an inflatable Frosty or Rudolph to brighten up the yard. And I love going to professional Christmas light displays that contain millions of blinkies.

In fact, there used to be one near Table Rock Lake in Missouri that I can highly recommend. But that particular display covered acres. It's different when sometime tries to cram an entire town's worth of decorations into their front yard. By Christmas, their poor plastic Santa looks like it was sculpted by Picasso.

Pushing the Envelope

And can you imagine the electricity bills? As I understand it, that's what put paid to my favorite extravagant Christmas display in the Dallas suburb of Richardson, Texas, which consisted of an elaborate diorama of reindeer, snowmen, elves, and of course lights enough to be visible from orbit. All orchestrated to music.

My favorite part was the reindeer that jumped over the big tree in the backyard. It was actually a series of those lighted metal reindeer skeletons set on rails, blinking on in sequence from one side, up and over, to the other side of the tree. That was about ten years back.

*Sigh.* Those were the days. Now, I'll admit it was a little much, but it didn't quite slide over the boundaries of good taste. I have no idea, however, how the poor people who lived there ever got any sleep with all those lights.

Take It Easy

As far as Christmas goes, at least one good thing has come of The Great Recession: fewer Christmas "artistes" are likely to turn night into day with their renditions of the "Twelve Days of Christmas," which consists of 364 gifts with more than a thousand components all told.

Imagine all the glittering poultry and leaping lords and milking maids (complete with cows) and other crap that would entail. Would there be enough room on or near the house? Would they be able to get a bank loan for the light bills?

For Heaven's sake! Give me a nice Nativity scene, and that's all the Christmas decorations I need!



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